Baldy & Blizzard
by BlandGardener
Summary: Saitama and Fubuki are in a committed relationship and live together in his Class A housing. She desperately wants to join him in Class A and he just wants to chill and have a decent fight. Throw in an angry older sis, a cavalry of wannabe disciples and potential relationship issues to boot and they will have fun times ahead. Please read and enjoy.
1. You don't support me

"Alright, Team! The time has come! We have been overlooked long enough! Today is the day I make my push for Class A!"

"Yes, President!"

"Woooooo!"

"We believe in you, President Fubuki!"

"Hey, can you guys keep it down? I'm trying to watch Super Sentai Troopers."

Saitama rolled over to face them; it was a normal weekday and he was laying on his side in his own living room watching one of his favorite super hero programs on TV. He wore a simple pair of pajama bottoms but occupying the rest of the living room was the elegantly-dressed Fubuki, whom was holding a cramped meeting with the rest of the Blizzard Group. They had a whiteboard, markers, props and everything.

Eyelashes leapt up and faced him. "Now is not the time for TV! This is important! The president needs your help! And aren't you too old for kiddy shows?!"

"And put on a shirt!" Mountain Ape called out. "Nobody wants to see your nipples!" Saitama was indeed shirtless.

Fubuki addressed him. "Eyelashes, apologize. That is your vice president."

Eyelashes mumbled an apology.

Fubuki then rose her head to call on Saitama. "Now, Vice President Saitama. Do you have any suggestions on how to accomplish this?"

There was no answer.

"Because as the Blizzard Group's honorary Class A member, we could benefit from your insight."

Still there was no answer. In fact, Saitama laughed at a joke the Red Sentai Trooper made.

"Saitama!" Fubuki shouted.

"I've had it!" The tailor-suited brute Mountain Ape leapt right behind Saitama. "You've disrespected President Fubuki for the last time! Today is the day I put you in your place, Baldy! Enough!" He kneeled down, reached over Saitama to grab the remote control and turned off the TV.

Saitama immediately turned over and punched Mountain Ape lazily and sent him flying from the living room into the kitchen where he crashed into and became embedded in the refrigerator.

"Woaah!" Lily cried out as she and all the other barely managed to jump out of the way to dodge Mountain Ape's flying body.

A millisecond after the crash, Fubuki reached out and telekinetically forced Saitama down hard on his face with a telltale green aura enveloping them both.

**.**

"Until next time, Team!" Fubuki said to them for a farewell.

"Hai!" They said in unison meaning, _yes_. They bowed to her and orderly left the apartment.

"Should we really leave Ape behind?" asked Lily

"Ehh, he'll be fine" answered Eyelashes. "The President will care for him."

Afterwards, Fubuki went to the living room where Saitama was still lying flat on his face.

"Stop it. I know you aren't hurt."

Saitama rolled back onto his side facing her and propped himself on his elbow.

"Ah."

She kneeled down and hugged her knees beside him.

"You could be more considerate when our friends come over, you know. It wouldn't hurt to hear some input from you. We are together after all. And this is really important to me."

"Hmmm." He scratched his temple and looked down thoughtfully. She waited patiently on his answer. It was true that he was aloof most hours of the day but there were moments where he was actually profound and that was one of the reasons why she was with him.

"I'm hungry." He said, scratching his lean belly.

She fell from exasperation.

"Was that really the right time to say that?!" she said when she got up. "Huh?" He was already gone.

"We need to make groceries" she heard him say.

She followed him into the kitchen. "You're really downplaying this."

Their refrigerator was leaking liquids of multiple colors and was busted because Mountain Ape was still unconscious inside of it. He twitched a few times.

"My juice."

* * *

***This is where the anime opening would play. I'm not writing a song or anything. Just saying.***

* * *

Saitama and Fubuki were both members of the Heroes' Association and also in a committed relationship. After the destruction of Saitama's old apartment in City Z, he had been invited to live in the Class A housing provided by the Association. Since, she was always at his place anyway he didn't see the harm in inviting her to live with him. Who he didn't invite were the others in the Blizzard Group and he often made that known; openly, though that was often ignored, but also passively at times.

His hero name was **Caped Baldy**, a name that he was _not_ happy with but one that seemed to amuse the executives of the Association greatly. His rank was **Class A, Rank 39**. Though there were still doubters among the public as to his credentials, what couldn't be denied was the growing respect for him among the heroes themselves.

Her hero name was **Hellish Blizzard**, a name that spoke of her icy personality and insurmountable powers. Her rank was **Class B, Rank 1** and for the longest time, she was proud of this fact. She was glad to have the number one rank in something regardless of the grade before but recently she had been inspired to reach for something more; Class A that is. It was an inspiration which she largely credited to Saitama though she wished he were more openly supportive about it.

The two of them were at the supermarket in the rice and grain aisle. She was dressed casually in jeans, a T-shirt, a wool shawl and flat slip-ons. He was wearing his full costume, cape and all.

"Do you expect us to run into trouble?"

"Do you mean overpriced sashimi?" he asked with a bit of panic in his voice.

"Never mind."

"If the price on mushrooms have dropped since the last time you have to let me know."

"Fine. Fine. Just calm down."

She picked out some noodles and looked them over. He tapped her shoulder and showed her a nameless brand that they could buy multiples of that would equal the value of the one she picked up. She smiled and took them from him with her telekinesis where she dropped them into their cart.

"We make a good team, don't we, Saitama?"

He beamed himself. "Heh. I guess we do."

"Good." Her smile turned cold. "So why is _he _here?"

Behind Saitama, Genos was looking at the back of some hair growth formula.

"Master, this product has a ninety percent success rate" the cyborg hero announced.

Saitama knocked it out of his hands. "Won't you give that a rest already?"

The group pushed two fully stocked carts towards the front of the market.

"Isn't it convenient that the Association repairs and upgrades appliances for free, Saitama?" Fubuki asked. "We won't have to buy a new one."

"Yeah" he answered, "but I wonder what they're going to do about that Hill Monkey guy."

"It's Mountain Ape and is it really okay that we left him there? I feel kinda bad."

"Ehh, he'll be fine. A hero should be tough. He'll thank us."

**.**

Back at their apartment, Association workers were moving in their highly advanced refrigerating unit into the kitchen on a dolly while others were attempting to remove the large unconscious man from the old refrigerator.

"He … won't budge!" One of them groaned.

As they tugged on him, they noticed his eyes blinking open.

"Oh good! You're awake! Do you mind helping us, sir?"

He gripped the sides of the unit and attempted to leverage himself to his feet.

With another yank which combined with their own attempt, he was flung from the refrigerator and flew through the air where he landed on his face. He slid across the kitchen floor for a couple of feet and he rolled onto his back again. They saw that he had clearly lost consciousness.

All of the workers fell silent. Somebody cleared their throat.

"Well, at least we can switch the fridges now."

**.**

While waiting to check out, the three of them commented on the fact that all the lines were so long.

"Well, this a drag" Fubuki said. "I know we'll get there eventually but it's kind of irritating that some lanes are closed when they could easily cut down on lines."

"Maybe some employees are off today" Saitama answered, "and besides, that isn't our biggest problem."

Behind them, Genos was being swarmed by fans, mostly schoolgirls hounding him for autographs.

"Shouldn't you be in school?" Saitama shouted, though nobody listened.

It just so happened that a supervisor was walking by and saw Demon Cyborg himself signing autographs. He immediately did a double take.

"Demon Cyborg! You shouldn't be at the end of the line! Come with me immediately!" He rushed to the front of Genos' crowd and led him and his cart to a previously closed lane and opened it up. "I'll check you out myself! Don't consider it preferential treatment! Our supermarket loves to serve our customers!"

Some of the other registers noticed Genos as well.

"Hey, is that Demon Cyborg?"

"It is! It's Demon Cyborg!"

"Holy $#%!"

"He's so hot! I wonder if he likes blondes!"

The Store manager got on the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, we have a special guest among us. The S Class hero, Demon Cyborg! To celebrate this joyous occasion, we are activating a ten minute, half-off on everything super-sale! We love you, Demon Cyborg!"

"Well, I guess there are some perks to Genos after all, huh Saitama?" Fubuki asked him.

"Fubuki, wait here" he told her and he sped off so fast the wind jostled her hair and sent her shawl flying so that she had to catch it with her powers. "A super-sale! I can't believe it! So many things …!"

He ran off to grab a bunch of things he meant to grab when they went on sale or that he had just thought of.

There were clamoring crowds then and even those not around Genos were happy and showing it at the sales. Somebody witnessing all of this wasn't happy however.

A man wrapped head to toe in a dark trenchcoat carrying a basket of energy drinks was fuming at the back of a line.

"Demon Cyborg?" he asked out loud to himself. "What makes him so hot? He's not sexy. He's not hotter than a newborn sun like me. These people wouldn't know hot and sexy if it spanked them. I'll show them. They'll see how sexy I am when I kick his butt right in front of their faces! I am the one who deserves fifty percent off super-sales! They'll make it an hour when they get a load of me! Because I'm the star of the show! I'm the hottest thing around!"

The customers in front of him scooted away. "That weirdo is talking to himself."

"Don't be so loud. He might notice us."

"I'm **Killer Star**!" He flung the trench coat off his body and posed with his hands reaching for the ceiling. His form was revealed as a buff, tanned dude in a violet speedo with blue star designs on it. He carried a butter knife in his right hand but that was only for his rivals. His real claim to glory was that his face was a three by three foot bright yellow star with little black dots and a smiley face for eyes and a mouth. He was a monster and had the appearance of somebody who begged for attention but even in his magnificent pose, everybody's attention was on the hero Demon Cyborg.

"Peasants!" he shouted when he saw the crowds flocking to the undeserving hero. "I'll show them real star power!"

Fubuki was moving her cart closer to the front of the line while some of those in front of her abandoned their spots to see Genos. She was just minding her business so she didn't notice the bright cones of light flashing down on people to her right. She looked down at her cart.

"I wonder if Saitama will bring any steak."

"I'm Killer Star! I'm Killer Star! I'm Killer Star!" Each time he said his name, a concentrated cone of light bathed down on him from above, dazing and disorienting all those in his immediate area. He did this all the way to Genos.

He finally stopped before him.

"A monster?" Genos asked, taking up a fighting stance.

"A monster?" a pedestrian repeated as others noticed as well. The crowd began to panic and some ran. A bouncing yellow star blasted the floor in front of them to cut them off, sending tiles and debris into the air. Killer Star had flicked his butter knife towards the spot to send it there. He smiled, obviously impressed with himself.

Fubuki took notice then. "Damn. Where is Saitama?"

_There are too many people here for me to go all out_, Genos thought. _I need to be careful. I can't disgrace myself in front of Master again_.

"Demon Cyborg" Killer Star murmured, waving his knife around. "You'd better thank your lucky stars for you stand in the presence of a god! I'll bathe you in eternal light and disgrace you in front of all your adoring fans!"

"This is between you and me, monster" he said, stirring the engine inside of himself. "Let these people go."

Killer Star laughed. "No way! They're my audience! I'm the star of this show and after I destroy you, you'll be nothing to them! I am Killer Star! I was once a beautiful actor slash model starring in all of the feature films and gracing all of the magazine covers. But I faded away thanks to that fraud **Sweet Mask**! I wanted so very much to be a star again so I wished on one. A flying star! Now, I'm brighter than everyone else! I'll destroy that fake, Sweet Mask in front of the entire world! But _you_ come first!"

Genos shook his head. "That was much too long. Shorten it to twenty words or less next time."

He leapt into the air above everybody's heads and used rocket propulsion blasting from his elbows to power a dive kick right to the monster's starry face. The impact caused a minor explosion that people ran from and bounced Genos high up in the air.

Genos looked down and saw that he was unaffected. Killer Star raised his knife and fired a large flying star made up of compacted metal, gas and light that Genos barely managed to dodge in mid-air.

"Ah, so you're a bit lucky too!" Killer Star exclaimed.

The pedestrians formed a sort of wide circle around the combatants and began cheering Genos on.

"Go, Demon Cyborg!"

"Make that monster regret it!"

"I love you so much, Demon Cyborg! Don't lose!"

"Everybody! Keep a safe distance!" Genos said to them all. _No. I'll just have to take the fight away from them._

He propelled to the ground and grabbed Killer Star by the waist.

"What is this?" the monster demanded to know. "Whatever you're trying, it won't work!"

Genos took flight while holding Killer Star close to his body. It created a draft of dust and wind that caused people to shield their eyes. He flew the two of them right through the roof of the store and much higher than even above _that_. Once they were clear, Genos spun them around and shoved Killer Star away with a double legged kick. He was sent in a downward angled trajectory into the street well away from the store. Genos propelled himself to him just as he was standing.

He started his attack. He kicked him multiple times in his metallic, heated face with a jet-boosted, spinning roundhouse kick. Killer Star swayed a bit but he didn't seem all that affected. He was still airborne when he transitioned into one of his trademark attacks.

"**Machiiiine Guuun Blows!**" His fists rained down on Killer Star's face so fast that they weren't visible outside of sparks and fire. The number of times Genos hit him was rising above one hundred very quickly. The impact was enough to push Killer Star through the pavement to his thighs.

"Killer Star!" A wide beam of intense light shot down from the clouds and enveloped them both.

"Tch!" Genos leapt away just as the light began to cover him. Most of his hair and clothes caught fire and burned away, revealing his cybernetic body underneath, which was red-hot from the heat.

When the light dissipated over Killer Star, he stepped out of his hole in the ground.

"Under the open sky, my power is increased tenfold!" Killer Star shouted up at him. "The universe truly smiles upon the great! I'm the star of the show, even without your audience!"

Genos's cybernetic eyes focused on him; his glowing false irises rotated. "I need to find a weakness quickly. His face seems impervious. His body? Isn't it that of a man? It does seem to withstand his light but … it's better to attack that than wait to become prey!"

Genos sent a stream of fire at him and just as he suspected, Killer Star placed his face in the way. He jettisoned all around and tried the same method of concentrated fire. Each time, Killer Star managed to guard it with his face. Genos waited until he found an opening and veered straight for his body.

"Killer Star!" Another blast of light came down from the sky and nearly incinerated Genos only he shot away in time again.

_I can't approach him_, Genos lamented. _He's tougher than I realized. His destructive capabilities … if the Association knew of him, he may be considered a Dragon-Level Disaster._

"Stumped? You can't beat me so you may as well … let me kill you!" He surged into the air after Genos, which Genos barely managed to dodge with his jet boosters.

"He can fly as well?" Genos had to wonder as the monster stopped in mid-air and turned to veer for Genos again. Again, Genos avoided him. They had this dance for a while, consisting of Killer Star zipping for the hero and Genos avoiding him. It was during this that Genos came to a realization.

_He can only fly in a straight line. And he even struggles to stop. I could possibly use this._

So he did. At one point, he allowed Killer Star to fly in behind him. Just so he could release upon him a mass of adhesive gel. Killer Star immediately fell from the sky and became stuck to the ground.

"Euuuugh! Gaaagh!" Killer Star kicked his arms and legs as he struggled within the bulbous, malleable fluid/solid gel. "What a dirty trick."

"Now, you're mine!" Genos prepared to incinerate him as multiple cannons protruded from his biceps and forearms. "**INCINERATE!**"

He fired a downward stream of overwhelming thermal power that would conceivably scorch most beings alive. Still, Genos felt a presence behind him. Strong, bandy arms wrapped his body.

"Got ya!" Killer Star shouted in his ear with a smiley face. "Killer Star!"

A beam washed over them both and Genos could feel his metal shell burning away.

"Killer Star! Killer Star!" He repeated his name over and over to shower them both in more light. Eventually, he let Genos fall to the ground. The hero bounced off of the pavement; he was both limbless and had his metallic spine exposed.

"Look at you now!" Killer Star yelled as he dropped to the ground. "Thanks for that! My body was unaffected by your blast but you did manage to burn away that sticky stuff you shot on me so I could sneak behind you! Now is my chance to finish you. Ah, look at that!" He had turned to see a crowd of people coming out of the supermarket to watch. "Our audience."

"Demon Cyborg! No!" one girl cried out.

"Demon Cyborg!"

Genos' head swiveled towards them. "No … go back inside … it's … safe …"

"Now, they'll all see … what?!" Killer Star began to rise into the air involuntarily. He flailed his arms and legs frantically as if he was trying to swim away. "What's going on?"

Fubuki and Saitama were floating high above the supermarket, enveloped in her green energy. It was she that was controlling his body with her telekinesis.

"I've seen enough out of you, creep!" she shouted at him. "You're a risk to human life and I can't sit back and watch it anymore!"

"Who is that?" somebody from the crowd asked another.

"I don't know but she's helping Demon Cyborg and she has powers!"

"So cool!"

Killer Star stopped squirming. "You think you can hold me? Think again!" He shouted his name and the intense light produced made her look away and break her hold over him.

She shrieked and Saitama leapt onto her; he shielded her with his body and cape.

"I'll kill you!" Killer Star began flying up and through them, only to bounce off and fall back to the ground. "Think you're tough, huh?" he said with a smile. "I'll fix that!"

He flew back up again and began hitting them over and over again from all sides, making arcs of sparking energy in the air. He continuously struck the two of them from all angles though they didn't move in return.

The people below cried out.

"She's done for, isn't she?"

"Oh, no!"

"No way she can hold up!"

**.**

Fubuki shifted against Saitama's chest.

"Why don't you just finish him?" she asked him.

"Hmm?" he looked down at her.

"You should just get rid of him." She said in melancholic voice. "I know you can do it easily. He's too powerful for me. I'll never be as strong as you and my sister. I'm not worthy of Class A."

"Fubuki … I can't fly …"

"So? You can jump much higher than I can fly anyway …"

"… But we're flying right now, aren't we?"

She became agitated and looked at his face. "Now is not the time for you to be an airhead! I know you can get rid of him so just get rid of him already!"

"Fubuki, look around. We're still flying."

"Huh?" She did. They were high in the air and flashes were dancing around them just out of reach. The flashes were Killer Star bouncing off of them. He wasn't reaching them because they were still enveloped in the green sphere of telekinetic energy she produced.

"Your shield is holding up" he said to her, causing her to look at him. He smiled. "You're protecting both of us. You _are_ strong."

"Saitama …"

"Who cares about that class stuff anyway? We're heroes, right?"

She lowered her face against his chest again and nodded.

"Enough!" Killer Star went below them and shouted his name. Again, a stream of light rained down on them and onto him as well. When the beam dissipated however, they weren't there.

"Looking for us?!" Fubuki shouted from twenty yards away in the street with Saitama at her side.

"Gah!" He shouted and began flicking his butter knife in their direction, sending giant stars of energy their way.

Saitama punched most of them while Fubuki split others apart with her powers. Each one they got split into dozens of smaller, harmless stars.

"Urghk!" He grunted. "I tire of you, woman! You are the worst costar! And no baldies!"

"Hey!"

He screamed and began flexing his muscles. His star face grew larger and brighter. His muscles and veins began to protrude and grow more prominent before his speedo burned away. Fortunately, he became covered in a bright yellow-blue flame to cover this up.

"**Shooting Star Curtain Fall! **Ah!" He shot high up into the sky, into the upper levels of the atmosphere. They could only see a yellow dot in the sky that resembled a star afterwards.

The crowd was murmuring in his wake.

"What happened?" one man asked. "Did he leave?"

"What's he doing?" Fubuki asked.

Saitama raised a hand over his eyes and peered up. "Oh, he's coming back down."

"What?! He is?" She looked up and the yellow dot was getting bigger. A low whistle seemed to accompany it. "God, he is!"

"It'll be fine." Saitama had stepped away from and began stretching his arms, back, neck and legs.

"You're being nonchalant again!" she looked at the crowd. "The people! They'll be hurt!" The whistle grew louder. She turned to them. "You have to get out of here!"

"Fubuki!" Saitama called to her. "That move you used on Silo …"

"S-Silo? Do you mean Psykos?"

"…And that $#%%& brat, Inugami …"

"_Tatsumaki_!"

"Yeah, well that move. You should use it again."

She looked up and the star descended more and more. The whistle grew shriller. "Really?"

"Do you trust me?"

"I-I guess …"

"Use that spinny move around you, alright? And close your eyes."

"Okaaaay." She closed her eyes. "I really don-"

He grabbed her by the shoulder and flung her into the air towards the falling star. She flew hundreds of feet into the air, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"Saaaiiiitaaaaamaaaaa! Youuuuu assssshooooole!"

She saw the bright light before her and screamed with all of her might as she activated her esper maneuver, her **Psychic Whirlwind**, which was a powerful swirl of esper energy which resembled a green hurricane. It was normally a devastating maneuver but she didn't see how well it would do against a monster falling like a comet. She closed her eyes and hoped for the best.

Well before they met in the sky, Saitama leapt into the path of Killer Star and withstood his impact. Killer Star was stopped in his tracks and this resulted in a great explosion. Then Fubuki flew into them both with her psychic whirlwind and flung them all around in a cyclone of bright, chemical fire.

The people below saw the great fire in the sky from below and covered their eyes.

"Ah!"

They witnessed Saitama cradling Fubuki in his arms as they fell towards the ground, their descent slowed by her esper abilities. His half-burnt cape flowed beneath and behind him. They erupt into cheers as Saitama stepped safely to the pavement and lowered Fubuki so that she could stand on her own beside him.

Saitama looked to her. "See that? They're cheering for you."

She looked right back at him. "Saitama …"

"Master …"

Saitama looked over to see the limbless Genos being carried by Doctor Kuseno-created transporter bots.

"Oh, Genos." He went over to him.

"Yet again, I'm off to be repaired by the doctor. I've failed. You must be so disappointed in me, Master."

Saitama rubbed his temple. "Well, actually …"

"Tell me, master. Nothing has worked. I continue to fail. How can I be great? How can I be a hero like you?"

"Well, Genos … that's the thing. You already _are_ great."

"Huh?"

"When that monster tried to cause problems, you took the fight away from those people. You put their safety before some stupid thing like popularity. Keeping people safe. That's what real heroes do."

"What … real heroes … do? I should write this down." His eyes shifted left to right and he swiveled his head. He remembered that he didn't have arms. "Oh … right." He slumped within the grasp of the bots.

Saitama chuckled and gave him a thumbs up.

"Master! Behind you!"

Saitama turned around and saw that Killer Star was walking towards them in a weakened state. He seemed weary; His arms dragged at his sides and his butterknife skidded off of the ground. He had returned to his original size.

The crowd cried out at the sight of him, though they mostly focused on the fact that his speedo had burned off rather than that he was still alive.

A woman called out. "Pervert!"

A mother covered her daughter's eyes.

"Saitama!" Fubuki called out to him.

"Found … you" Killer Star muttered. "Think … you can get rid of me … that easy? Not … Likely." He stopped before them and leaned back. "Killer S-"

Saitama rushed in and punched him in the center of his starry face. His face grew bright white and his whole body blew apart. Rather than gore, a steady flow of white energy shot up into the air and created a fountain of star-shaped dust particles.

The crowd moved out towards and looked up in wonder as the dust fluttered all over them. Kids and parents reached out and touched it in with their hands. A child brushed it out of his hair and complained that it tickled. The light faded but the sparkling dust remained.

Fubuki went over to Saitama and he looked back at her.

"Well, welcome to Class A."

She gave a grateful smile.

**.**

Later, they sat at the computer they shared in their apartment. She gasped and stared at it with her mouth hanging open.

"Well, nevermind what I said" he told her. "Let's just remember that it's the people that count."

They were looking at the news story about the starry-faced monster and the one who put him down.

"They gave Genos all the credit!" she shouted. "And he moved up a spot in S-Class! We're not even mentioned!"

He lowered his head and conceded. "Welcome to _my_ world. Well, look on the bright side." He went to the kitchen and stepped over Mountain Ape on the way. "At least we got a new fridge." He opened their new futuristic fridge and found that it was empty. "But we never got to buy our groceries. What a waste."

She bent down to see to Mountain Ape. "Shouldn't we do something about him?"

"He's injured. We shouldn't move him. Something could be broken. I saw it on TV once."

"Really? That doesn't sound right …"

"Yeah. When he wakes up, we can ask him then if something is wrong. We should order something. What do you want to eat?"

"Oh, ummm …" She stepped over Mountain Ape as well and they let him be while they looked for something to have for dinner.

**.**

Even Later than that, Mountain Ape finally began to stir on the kitchen floor.

"Uggh" He groaned as he rubbed his head. "Where am I?" He heard footsteps approach.

"Is somebody there?" Fubuki called out. The lights were out so she couldn't see him. "This entire complex is full of class A heroes so you picked the wrong place to rob!"

He recognized her voice. "Miss President?"

"Oh, Mountain Ape! You're finally up! Phew! I was so worried!"

"I'm so sorry you have to put up with me but I'm so glad to hear your voice."

She laughed. "Hold on. Allow me to turn on the lights." She flicked them on.

He was practically blinded since his eyes were unadjusted. He rubbed his eyes.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, yes ma'am. It's just the light. My eyes just have to adjust. I should be fine."

"Do you feel alright?"

"Yes, President Fubuki. I really am well."

"Good. I'm glad to hear it. Would you like some water?"

"I wouldn't want to trouble you, Miss President."

"It's no trouble."

He heard her move to the sink and turn on the running water from the faucet while he blinked and began to regain his vision. She approached him and crouched down to hand him the glass.

"Here you go."

His vision rapidly cleared as he looked up at her. "Thank you, Mi- mi-mi-mi-" the first thing that came into view was her squished cleavage. His eyes grew comically large and he continued to stutter. She wore a black, partially see-though negilgee over solid black lingerie ensemble.

He continued stuttering as he scurried backwards from her. She stood up, confused and put the water on the counter. She absentmindedly gave him a full view of her veiled but nonetheless, half-naked body.

"Ape?"

His eyes rolled to the back of his head and he began convulsing and slobbering where he laid. "That … bastard makes … her dress … like … thaaaaat …" his head lolled to the side. He fell unconscious again with his eyes open that time.

She turned around and called out. "Saitama! He really isn't okay! We really should call a paramedic! Saitama! Are you listening to me! Saitama!"


	2. Who's that guy?

"How is she, doctor?" Fubuki asked Doctor Kuseno in his lab. He was watching over a comatose Psykos per her request. The powerful esper was hooked up to a machine that monitored her vitals and injected her periodically with vitamins, nutrients and fluids.

"Her vitals are all normal" he told her. He scratched his lined face and shook his head.

"What's the matter?"

"Well, I don't usually deal with … fully fleshy things … you see … so perhaps I'm not the best person for this …"

"What _is_ it, doctor?"

He sighed. "There's nothing physically wrong with her. Frankly, she _shouldn't _be in a coma. The whole thing worries me."

She sighed as well and looked over her former best friend. Psykos was a pretty esper with a similar build to herself except her natural hair was a bright, flowing green color and she normally wore glasses for her bad eyesight. Still, since the fall of the Monster's Association and Tatsumaki's failed attempt on her life, she had fallen comatose.

"No" Fubuki told him. "Her issues are all mental. Thank you, doctor. Do call us if there are any issues."

She left his lab in a bit of a hurry. Being around his workplace full of cyborg parts sort of freaked her out. She passed by the two guards she posted, two suit-wearing members of her Blizzard Group. They both bowed as she passed them.

"Miss President!"

"Good day to you, Miss President!"

"Gentlemen" she responded. "Keep up the good work."

"Hai!" they both answered from the bow.

She waved to them and stepped into her waiting limo after her driver opened the door for her. She didn't speak in the car; she only wistfully looked out of the window. When they arrived to the complex, they saw an odd thing in front of the place.

"What the-" she started.

A crowd of Metal Knight's security bots meant to deal with Demon-Level threats were laid to rest in a heap before the gates. Above them were two shadowy forms: one bright silver and one black. They continuously danced through and over each other to the point to where it hurt her eyes to look at them.

The two of them in the car stared in bewilderment. Then Fubuki shook her head and composed herself.

She opened her door.

"Miss Fubuki!" the driver shouted. "Hold on! It isn't safe!"

She looked back. "I'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you." She shut the door behind her.

"Miss Fuuubuuuki!"

She sighed, straightened the purse on her shoulder and continued on. She began whistling to herself and only shook a little bit from fear as she stepped over the robot pieces and under the combating flashes in the air. She had just made it to the gate when somebody called out to her from behind.

"Hey, B class!"

She paused and slowly turned around.

It was one of the combatants; **S Class, Rank 14** hero **Flashy Flash**, a ninja for justice and the fastest of those in the S Class. He wore his usual white cape over his light blue garb and more physically resembled a pretty female than the powerful man he was.

"Saitama is here, isn't he?" he asked her.

"How would she know?" his opponent asked.

"You fool! She's Saitama's woman! If you were his _rival_, shouldn't you have known that?!"

He looked over and hissed. "Tch! So Saitama has a companion. For some reason, that pisses me off." The ninja he fought was similarly feminine in appearance and wore a skintight black body suit with purple metallic bands wrapped around his limbs and torso. He was a high-ranking criminal and former assassin, **Speed-O'-Sound Sonic**. "Hey, Saitama's companion!"

"It's _Fubuki_" she corrected him.

"Tell him that I'm coming for him! He can't hide forever!"

"No. Tell him that he'd better prepare for my lessons" Flashy Flash added.

Fubuki turned from them and walked away. "_Suuure_. I'll go right ahead and do that. Idiots."

"What did you say?!" Sonic shouted after her.

Flash leapt in front of him and drew his blade. "Your adversary is _me_." Then they went right back at each other.

Before the actual security entrance, a young man was sitting on the ground against the wall. He wore glasses, a green track suit and running shoes; he was so unremarkable that most didn't know that he was actually the **B Class, Rank 20** hero **Glasses**. He shot up to his feet at her approach and bowed.

"President Fubuki! Good day to you!"

"Yes, nice to meet you."

He was actually a former member of her Blizzard Group but because he was so average she honestly had no idea who he was.

"Actually, we've met. I used to –"

She turned on him. "Listen, kid. I'm kinda tired and I just wanna lay down on my couch and relax so can we make this quick? What do you want?"

He gestured in front of her to the door which had a facial recognition system for residents. "Do you live here? Do you know the hero Caped Baldy?"

She paused and turned away. "I don't know who that is."

"… really?"

She shook her head once. "Don't know him."

"But I thought you were g—"

She turned on him, angered and covered in her green aura; her hair was rising up and curling like her sister's. "I said I don't know him! You got a problem with thaaaaat?!"

He leapt backwards and took up a defensive stance. Then he carefully glanced at his wristwatch. "Welp! Time for another 10K run!" He bowed to her. "Well good day to you, Miss Fubuki."

He ran past her and left the premises.

She calmed down when he left and her aura disappeared. She looked up with her eyes and realized that her hair had curled upwards. "Oh maaaan." She reached up with both hands to mat it back down, even licking her fingers to make it easier.

**.**

When she made it up to her and Saitama's floor, the scene was even worse. The Class A heroes, **Forte**, **Butterfly DX **and **Chain 'N' Toad **were all crowding the hallway along with reformed monsters **Black Sperm** and **Rover**.

Rover wagged its tail and barked when it saw her.

"Oh, god" she muttered as they all faced her.

Forte moved his headphones back. "Oh hey, Class B."

"Heeey" she waved halfheartedly.

"Tell Saitama that his dog keeps pooping on the floor" he told her.

"Okaaaay" she nodded.

"Yeah, it's really a pain" Butterfly DX added.

"It's sucks to clean up, too." Forte informed her. "It's like muddy fire. Really hot. See?"

He raised his hands and showed her his bandaged fingers.

_Wait_, she thought. _You used your hands?_

"And that's not all" Chain N' Toad added before he held up Black Sperm by his antenna, "this little guy is creepy. We'll take care of the pup but he can have this one back."

Black Sperm wriggled and kicked his legs angrily in the hero's grasp. "Hey, who do you think you are, treating me like this?! You should be gentler with a cute little guy like me –"

Fubuki got right up to Black Sperm and pointed in his face. "Stop talking! When you talk, it creeps me out so just stop it!"

He stopped wriggling and made a zipper motion on his mouth. He then began to mumble through his closed lips.

"I said stop it!" she shouted, pointing again. "_Stop_ it!"

Black Sperm's face visibly drooped at that and he sagged in the hold of Chain 'N' Toad.

_It kind of hurts when a beauty says that to you_, he thought. _She's looking down on me but I can't do nothing about it now. Dammit. Just you wait, you bimbo!_

"Arf!" she heard at her ankles and noticed that little Rover was sniffing at her boot.

"Oh, you little guy!" She bent down and rubbed his back and ears while he licked her hands then spun around happily under her touch. She found him cute even if he did have six eyes running down the length of his long face. "Who's a cute lil' guy? You are! Yes, you are! Yes, you are! As soon as you're potty-trained, I'm takin' you home with me!"

"Wait, what?" Forte asked.

"Ahhh" she sighed and stood. "Excuse me." She made herself small and squeezed her way past them against the wall. "Excuse me."

Just before she made it to her door, the neighbor's opened.

"Blizzard. Still you plague Master and me with your presence."

She looked over and saw nothing but darkness. Save for a pair of glowing, yellow eyes that emerged in the abyss between the door and wall. They even flashed.

She shrieked and cowered against the opposite wall. "What the hell?!"

"Do I worry you, Blizzard?" Genos' face alone emerged from the darkness and he peeked out into the hallway. "Only monsters need fear me … and those who trouble Master."

His face turned towards the other occupants of the hallway. Forte, Butterfly DX, Chain 'N' Toad, and Black Sperm all flinched and turned away.

Genos turned back to Fubuki. "If you should ever betray Master who has taken his time to cater to your existence, then you will have to deal with me."

Fubuki composed herself. "The same to you."

Genos slowly closed his door while still staring at her intently. Just before the door closed, he flung it open again without changing his expression. She didn't respond. Then he closed his door completely.

She looked away. _What a creep._

When she finally entered the apartment, she found Saitama and King frantically playing their fighting game on King's console. They were currently having a first to fifty fighting set which Saitama was currently losing forty nine to zero. Saitama's character was a hulking monster that took up half of the screen without exaggeration and King's character was a lolicon princess. They had two rounds won apiece on the particular game Fubuki walked in on. She kicked out of her shoes at the door, set her purse down on the counter and flopped down on the couch, lying on her side to watch.

Saitama was pommeling down on King in the corner with multiple, long-reaching lows but King steadily blocked the entire time.

"Finally, I … will get a win over you" Saitama taunted, frantically tapping the down and kick buttons. "You have nowhere to go!"

King, for his part, looked at Saitama in real life. Without looking at the screen, he activated his counter and began a combo with his lolicon fighter. Her combo pushed Saitama's monster into the opposite corner in a fifteen-hit mixup of highs and lows. Then Saitama tried to hit him/her back, but King knocked him into the air with an uppercut and caught him with two aerial attacks. Before he hit the ground, King knocked him the air again where he jumped up and hit him with two more aerial attacks. King repeated this over and over; he demonstrated an exploit. The dreaded Infinite.

Saitama watched his heath bar get whittled down little by little and there was nothing he could do about it.

"You're cheating!" he shouted. "Stop it!"

King looked back to Saitama with a blank look as he continued his inputs. "I'm sorry, Saitama. You made me do this."

Finally, a 'K.O' flashed across the screen as Saitama's character died. Then, 'Perfect'. Saitama's mouth hung open and a drawn out stutter spilled out of his mouth. King had defeated him in fifty straight matches in their first to fifty. He had won a few rounds but never one full game.

King sighed and extended his hand to the bald hero. "Good games. I wish I could say it was a challenge but welllll … we can go back to practice mode …"

"Aaaaah!" Saitama shouted. "Ah!" He snapped his controller in two.

King gasped. "Saitama?"

"Aaaaah!" He snatched King's controller out of his hands and snapped that in two. "Ah!"

"Aaaaah!" He lifted King's game console over his head with the controller remains dangling from it and all, intending to smash it on the floor.

"Saitama! Saitama!" King raised his hands frantically. "Calm down! You don't want to do that! It's not yours, remember?"

Saitama's face had been fierce but then it returned to his normal, dull-eyed status at his words. "Oh, man. You're right. I killed your controllers, didn't I?" He lowered the console as well. "Crap! How much did they cost?"

King nervously waved it off and took the console from Saitama's hands. "No, no. Don't worry about it. I'll just replace them."

Fubuki sighed and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of mineral water. While drinking it, she heard them go on.

"I-I'll be going now" King said as he fit his console, cords and broken controllers into his backpack.

"Are you sure? We could watch TV."

"N-no. There's something I need to take care of anyway."

"Oh. Are you sure you don't want me to p-pay for it?" The thought of actually doing so seemed to worry him.

"Oh! No! No! No! Really! Don't worry about it!" King was sweating and anxious to leave the apartment. "I'm S-class, remember? I make S-class salary."

"Raking in the big bucks, huh?" Saitama chuckled and rubbed his temple. "I'm kinda jealous. Say … can I borrow some cash?"

"You … just broke my controllers … and now you want to borrow some money?"

"Waah!" Saitama frantically waved his hands to dissuade him and joined his hands together in an apologetic manner. "Never mind! Forget I said anything! I'm so, so sorry!"

King sighed and went to the front door to put his shoes back on. "Anyway, I'm off." He lowered the bill of his cap down to hide his identity a bit more.

"Sure thing" Saitama said and went to him. "Need me to watch your back?"

King looked back towards Fubuki, whom had a scowl of a demoness. He immediately turned towards the door.

"No, I'm fine. Thank you."

"Alright" Saitama patted him on the back as he opened the door.

"And sorry for the controller again."

"Don't worry about it" King called back with a wave.

"Alright" Saitama conceded and closed the door. He immediately rested his head against it.

"We almost had to spend money" he complained.

"Saitama?" Fubuki called out from the couch. "Could you come here for a minute? We need to talk."

"Oh?" He went over and sat beside her when she scooted over to make some room.

"What's up?"

She cleared her throat. "Every day … when I come home, I have to step over your rivals, your 'disciples' and your loser neighbors. Just if I want to get to the front door. It's becoming too much, don't you think?"

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"Is that a joke? How could you not notice the ninja fighting in front of the complex? Over _you_?"

Saitama looked at her. _Oh crap, she's serious. Oh man, it'll really be a pain if she goes on about this. I better play off what I said like a joke and agree with her. But how? I know. I'll just smile. That always works for the heroes I see on TV. Alright, I can do this. _

Saitama gave his best pleasing smile or what he thought it was.

Fubuki flinched away. His mouth was much too wide, he showed an unpleasant amount of teeth and he opened his eyes comically wide to try to match his smile. It just didn't look appealing to her.

She reached out and covered his mouth with her hands. "What are you doing? Don't do that. I'm serious. When was the last time we had some quality time alone without somebody clamoring for your attention? It's seriously annoying."

He gently pushed her hands away from his mouth. "Oh, yeah? What about that club of yours?"

"The Blizzard Group?"

"Yeah … that."

She sighed. "If asking you to whittle down your group of stalkers is a question of unfairness, then … I guess I can spend less time with the Blizzard Group."

_Whoa. Did she just say that? So I don't have to see those guys so much? Nice. It was so easy, too. I wonder what else I can get her to agree to. Come on. Think. Think. Damn, I got nothing. _

"Saitama?"

"Y-yeah!"

"You looked like you were somewhere else …"

"Nah, I'm right here" he waved his arms around. "See?"

She made a serious face. "This may sound extravagant but my happiness is at stake. Saitama, I want you to get rid of them!"

He paused and scratched his head. "What do you mean 'get rid of them'?"

"Wha- exactly what I said! Get rid of them! Saitama!" She reached out and touched his arm. "You're stronger than all of them. If we don't want them around, then they don't have to be around. And we don't want them around, " she squeezed his arm, "do we?"

He sighed and seemed to think about it. "It's not really a bother to me, though."

"But it's a bother to _me_. Don't you care? Don't you care that it bothers me?"

He had the dull look on his face again. "I really don't see a problem."

She slumped. "I see. So, you don't care." She rose up from the couch with her head lowered. His head followed her as she sulked all the way to their bedroom door.

"Fubuki …"

"I'm going to bed."

"But it's only like Four in the evening."

"I'm suddenly very tired." He went to stand behind her before she slid their door open. "Unless you're planning on going to bed as well, don't bother me."

"Well, what about dinner? Won't you be hungry? Want to order something with me?"

She paused. "I'm fasting."

She slid the door open with telekinesis and hurried inside where she closed it again. He stepped in to open it again though it was glowing with her aura.

"If you force the door open, we're finished" he heard her call out from within. He reluctantly left her alone and returned to the living room.

**.**

The following day, she was at the mall shopping center with bags in her hands which included a new purse, some dresses and perfume. Shopping tended to make her feel better. That included being among the small crowd who passed her. Occasionally, people would recognize her and ask her for an autograph. That day, nobody did and that made her feel even worse. She found a bench and slumped down. She raised a plastic cup of iced tea she brought and began to sip from it. It had been a mistake. She supposed she should've just talked to Saitama. Even if it meant swallowing her pride a bit.

"Excuse me, miss" somebody said before her. "I couldn't help but notice that you look so down. There is no way I could ever walk past such a beauty like everything's fine. I have to know. What can I do to brighten your day?"

She had been looking down but hearing some random guy come on to her was seriously annoying. She came up for blood. "Look, guy …" she started with an apparent agitation. Then she saw him.

He was tall, well over six feet with long black hair in a tie; he had blue eyes, a dark tan, a handsome face, a broad frame under a traditional frog buttoned Kung Fu uniform. His hands were stuffed in his pockets in a casual manner but everything combined added a certain cool factor. He was no hero but actually the semi-famous martial artist, **Suiryu**.

She was flustered at the sight of him.

"I'm Suiryu, a martial artist. User of the Void Fist style but today I'm only worried about putting a smile on your pretty face. I hope that's okay. Please tell me your name."

She blushed and could only stare for a moment. Realizing that she was being rude, she smoothed out the legs of her dress and stood up from the bench.

With a small bow, she introduced herself. "I'm Hellish Blizzard, a hero. I mean … my actual name is Fubuki."

"A hero?" He smiled and held out his hand. "How wonderful."

She put her hand out over hand and gently shook his. Afterwards, he took a step back and really looked at her.

"Can I treat you to lunch? I'd love to talk hero work."

She hummed and considered it.

**.**

Saitama was sitting in the living room, watching TV by himself. He was a bit distracted. He looked over at the cat clock on the wall. Fubuki had been gone for about five hours. He wondered if she had run into a monster. Then again, he felt she could handle herself and if not, those guys in business suits would help her out. She eventually came in with a plastic box.

"Hey" she greeted as she stepped out of her shoes. "I brought food. We don't have to cook."

They sat down to eat at the table and talked about random things.

Eventually, he got around to asking her about things.

"So, you went shopping today?"

"Oh, yes. I bought a new dress, coat and some perfume. It was nice."

"Just … you were gone a little longer today."

"Oh, s-sorry. I took care of a monster. I forgot to mention it."

He smiled. "I thought that might be it. It went alright?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"I mean you aren't hurt, right?"

She shook her head frantically. "N-n-no! It was fine, I promise." She stuffed her mouth with some rice.

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear it."

**.**

For the rest of the week, the days progressed similarly. He noticed less of those that bothered him at the complex but along with that, he noticed that Fubuki was spending hours away at a time during the lunch and early afternoon hours. Even on days when he wasn't out punching monsters. Still, she always returned with boxes of food. Expensive meals that she assured wasn't a problem. Fine sushi in the shape of flower buds. Wagyu steak. Unagi. Flourette baby leaf salads with caviar for her.

"How are you affording these meals?" he asked.

"Oh, I only performed some freelance monster-killing on the side. I've done it before for extra funds."

He thought on it for a second but more or less accepted it. "That sounds like fun."

**.**

The following day, her driver called the whole gang over. Lily, Mountain Ape, Eyelashes, and most of the others met up outside of a fine restaurant called Mr. Toma's Kitchen.

"Well, what's the problem?" asked Mountain Ape. "Is the President in trouble?"

"Yeah, show me where the monster is!" Lily said locking her three section staff behind her shoulders and still jabbing it up impressively into the air multiple times. "I'm ready!"

Mountain Ape grabbed the driver by his collar. "Well, take us to her! What's the holdup?"

"Well, if you'd just …" the driver slipped out Mountain Ape's hold and adjusted his suit. "Just follow me, I'll show you."

He took them to the window wall of the restaurant where President Fubuki had a center table of the bustling, fancy place. She was having lunch with the martial artist Suiryu.

"She doesn't look like she's in trouble" one of the members said.

"Yeah, just the opposite."

Then they watched as Suiryu reached over and touched Fubuki's arm and she didn't pull away or push his hand off. In fact, they shared a chuckle.

"Whooooaaa!" a few of them howled. They pressed up against the glass and even struggled a bit with each other for a place, all to get a better look at the two.

"That jerk!" Lily shouted. "Thinkin' he can get familiar with the president like he's her equal. I'll fix him!"

She started for the door but Eyelashes grabbed her by her neck collar and held her back.

"Hold on, Lily."

"Isn't the president with the vice president?" somebody asked.

"Yeah, that's right."

There was a brief pause amongst all of them and then Mountain Ape raised his large fist.

"Yes!" he shouted. "We can finally get rid of that baldy! Yes!"

"We should observe some more" said Eyelashes.

"Mmhmm" Lily agreed with a nod.

Mountain Ape nodded as well. Then they all pressed up against the window again and peered inside.

**.**

Saitama was walking down the street in casual shorts and sandals. He had just come back from the small market with milk, instant noodles and tea. There were other people walking down the street as well but he was lost in thought.

_Fubuki's been gone a lot lately. I wonder if she's at one of her expensive lunches. _

He didn't notice the screeching tires from down the street behind him. The people around him did and most of them stopped to look. Two vans sped down the street and screeched to a halt parallel to Saitama. Their sliding doors opened up and tailor-suited Blizzard Group members leapt out onto the sidewalk towards Saitama.

"Go! Go! Go!"

A woman began screaming at the sight of this but Eyelashes stepped out as well with megaphone in hand.

"**Public!**" he shouted out through the megaphone. "**Do not be alarmed! We are Class B heroes! The Blizzard Group! I say again! We are heroes! Do not be alarmed!**"

Mountain Ape and others surrounded Saitama. "Vice President Baldy! Come with us! Now!"

"Oh hey, guys!" Saitama greeted. "Coming over to watch TV today?"

"Hell no!" They threw a dark hood over his head and grabbed him from all sides, causing his bag to fall.

"Hey, I can't see!" Saitama complained. "What is this, a game?"

"It's a surprise! Come with us!"

"A party?"

"Yes, a surprise party."

"Oh, man. I'm not dressed for a party."

"It'll be fine."

Meanwhile, Eyelashes was still addressing the crowd.

"**-the Blizzard Group! We are briefly signing autographs if you wish! Ah!**" He noticed a pretty short-haired woman in a sundress. He rushed over to her. "**Miss! Would you like my autograph?! Also, my number?!**"

She squealed and covered her ears because he was yelling right in her face with a megaphone. He noticed and lowered it thankfully.

"Oh, sorry. I was only saying I'll sign an autograph for you if you'd like."

She lowered her hands and rubbed her hands nervously. "Ummm … who are you?" It was innocent enough.

"Eyelashes. You know?" He pointed to his painted, elongated eyelashes and pulled out his eyelash curler from his suit jacket. "_Eyelashes_."

She had an uncomfortable look on her face meaning she didn't recognize that name.

Mountain Ape and others pulled Saitama into one of the vans.

"Alright! We have the Vice President! Now, let's go!"

"Wait!" Saitama shouted from beneath the hood.

"Hmm?"

"I think I dropped my groceries. I want to keep that."

Mountain Ape ran a hand down his face and groaned. "Get the groceries."

A shades-wearing member leapt out from the van and grabbed the groceries in the middle of a combat roll. "Groceries are secured!"

He returned to the van with groceries in hand.

"Great! Everybody's here?"

"Eyelashes?"

"Oh, right!"

Eyelashes was still with the pretty woman in the sundress. "I'll sign anything you have."

She nervously shook her head.

"Eyelashes! We're finished here!"

"Oh." Eyelashes picked up the megaphone again and blasted the ears of all those near him. "**Again, we are all the B-Class heroes, the Blizzard Group! We are the Blizzard Group! There is no need for alarm! Please do not call the police or the Hero's Association! Thank you and enjoy the rest of your day!**" He gave a stiff bow and retreated back to the vans with the others. They sped off down the street, leaving all of the bystanders in confusion.

**.**

When they pulled the hood off of his head. He was in a darkened room, seated at a metal table with a single overhead light. The entire Blizzard Group surrounded him, somewhat squished together.

Saitama looked around again. "Oh, hey guys. Hello, again. Is this the party?"

A few of them stifled laughter. Eyelashes gestured for them to stop and leaned over the table towards him.

"I'll be honest, Vice President. There is no party."

"Oh, so you lied?" He paused, causing some tension among the group. He chuckled. "Good! I'm glad! I told you I wasn't dressed for a party."

Most of the Blizzard Group began to talk over each other then, making themselves indistinguishable from each other until Eyelashes shushed and gestured for them to be quiet again.

Eyelashes continued. "Vice President. How close would you say your … relationship is with President Fubuki? How _strong _is it?"

Saitama thought on it and scratched the side of his head. "Wellll … we live together … and she doesn't pay me rent. Sooo … pretty close … I'd say."

They all paused. He cleared his throat.

"Do you know what President Fubuki has been doing lately over the last week at saaay … around the lunchtime hours?"

"Well, she goes shopping and fights monsters. And she brings home tasty meals. That's pretty cool."

"Cool, you say?" He looked over and nodded at Mountain Ape.

Mountain Ape gleefully reached inside his suit jacket and flung onto the table five photos face up before Saitama.

"Blam!" he shouted. "That's what President Fubuki is doing at lunch!"

Eyelashes gestured to him. "Mountain Ape. Take it down a notch."

"Oh, sorry."

Saitama squinted and looked over the photographs. In one, she's walking beside the tall, handsome Suiryu. He kisses her on the cheek in another. He's leading her into a restaurant in yet another with a hand on her back. The other two consists of them laughing and eating at lunch in the fancy restaurant.

"Who's that guy?" he wondered aloud.

Mountain Ape smiled. "While you think she's bringing you tasty meals, what she's really bringing you are the leftovers. This guy is the one eating the main course. Vice President, _this_ is the guy she tells you not to worry about!"

Eyelashes joined in. "Vice President, we don't like you. That ain't no secret."

Saitama was confused. "You don't like me?"

The rest of the Blizzard Group began muttering aloud about whether they liked them or not until Eyelashes shushed them.

"Nevermind that" he said. "Most people we would be happy to see President Fubuki dump you for like a sack of potatoes that grew sprouts but this guy … hmm. Lily! Why don't you give us your take? It would sound better coming from you."

Lily cleared her throat. "You're a little strong, but so what? You still don't look like a threat but _him … _he's so hot! But he's also big and in that kung fu outfit, he probably has a lot of stamina. And blue eyes. And a tan. And that hair! He must have tons of ladies after him. He's totally a player! He's playing Miss Fubuki! I just know it! And it makes me so mad!"

She clenched her fists so hard that her whole body was shaking. Another Blizzard Group member patted her on the shoulder and rubbed it to calm her down.

"OK, calm down."

She came forward and pointed at Suiryu. "And look at his hands. They're so big. He's totally gonna ruin her!"

Saitama looked at her. "What do mean … _ruin_ her?"

"Uh-" her voice caught in her throat and everybody froze. There was an awkward silence in the room.

She shyly tapped her index fingers together over and over. "Welll … _you_ knoooow …"

Eyelashes cleared his throat. "You need a clearer picture. OK. Pikos!"

Pikos, the diminutive nerdy member, bowed. "Hai!" He went to a darkened corner of the room and began struggling with some equipment. There was some shuffling, struggling and bumping around heard.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I have it."

He soon came into view with a white board on a stand with some markers.

"Wait, I can barely see it" said one of the Blizzard Group members behind Saitama.

"Oh, let's fix that." One of them climbed on top of the desk and fixed the light so that more of it was on the board. He jumped off and Eyelashes opened one of the markers and shook it.

"Alright, this should get our point across. A comparison." He drew a crude drawing of a man with circles for muscles and darkened squares for shades. He labeled it 'the other guy'.

Saitama looked at the pictures. "He looks like that?"

Eyelashes drew a regular stick figure on the other side of the board and drew a line from its head to the word 'Bald'.

"Oh, come on!" Saitama protested.

"Well, words to describe the other guy" he called out to the other room. He drew lines between and under both illustrations and they charted descriptive words under each one. Words they gave Suiryu were things like: Kung Fu, blue eyes, tan, tall, handsome, boyfriend material, husband material, would go gay for, could protect her, isn't bald and hot.

Things to describe Saitama were: bald, short, pale, skinny, stupid costume, stupid face, looks like a wimp, Bald, doesn't know kung fu, Miss President is way hotter than, Rude, Not famous, Boring, might turn Miss President gay, not boyfriend material, not friend material, and BALD!

Eyelashes turned to everybody when he was done. "That is about it, right?"

The others began muttering again but general consensus was that it was.

Eyelashes summed it up. "So, while you're not worthy of the president, we don't like this guy either. You're a nonthreatening option who we can trust the president's feelings with until we find somebody better. Okay, Vice President. So we're going to help you get her back. She should be with him now. We'll take you to her. What do you say?"

They all waited in anticipation for his answer. He looked at the board, then at the photos, then back and forth again.

He looked up at Eyelashes. "So, you're saying she owes me rent."

The Blizzard Group was stunned. A member slammed his palms on the table. "Where did _that_ come from?"

Saitama stood up from the chair with a serious look that made whoever saw it flinch, including Eyelashes and Mountain Ape.

"Take me to her" he said in his serious tone of voice. "Your president owes me money."

**.**

The vans stopped at the corner of the restaurant.

Eyelashes turned back to Saitama. "Well, here we are. What do you plan to do? Maybe we talk-"

Without delay, Saitama stepped out and walked into the restaurant with his bag in hand.

"He took his groceries with him. Should we be worried?"

"Nah" Eyelashes waved it off. "Maybe they'll beat each other up and the president will be single."

The greeter saw the bald, shorts, sandals wearing guy walk through the front door carrying a bag of groceries. "Sir?" she asked. "Can I help you?"

"Nah" he said absently looking over her shoulder at the dining area. "You're not my roommate." He walked past her.

"Sir! You can't just walk in! Sir! Sir!"

He spotted Fubuki and the martial artist seated, enjoying salmon and salads. He walked over, making flapping sounds with his sandals and drawing stares from lunch guests all the way. He stopped before their table where Fubuki could see him. Suiryu was facing away. She had just began drinking from her glass of water when she noticed him. She immediately began choking and dribbling it in the glass. Suiryu leaned over and touched her hand in concern.

He gave her a napkin and rubbed her arm though she swatted his hand away when she stopped struggling. She pointed up above him. Confused, Suiryu looked behind him and noticed Saitama.

"Sifu!" he shouted as he immediately rose and performed a Kung Fu bow.

Saitama cocked his head to the side. "Hm?"

"I have been waiting for this moment for such a long time!" Suiryu explained as he returned to standing. "Training and preparing myself for the opportunity to prove myself worthy of you! This time I will not fail. Allow me to become your disciple."

Saitama lost the fierceness in his face as he began wondering. "Wait. Have we met before?"

That took a bit of wind out of Suiryu's sails. "You don't remember me? The Super Fight World Martial Arts Tournament. We fought in the finals. You saved me from that uggo, Bakuzan. We were the only ones there."

It dawned on Saitama. "Wait. Oh yeeeaah. You're the one who does all those moves that look cool."

Suiryu was caught off-guard at first but quickly recovered. "Oh, yeah. _That_. I guess I am."

"You got your teeth fixed. That's nice."

Suiryu covered his mouth with both hands. He was self-conscious about that. "You remember _that_?" he asked in a muffled voice.

"Do me a favor" Saitama told him, placing his free hand on his shoulder. "Have a seat."

Suiryu hissed in a little bit of pain as Saitama casually forced him down.

Fubuki looked up at him, concerned. "S-Saitama."

He set the bag of groceries on the table between them, raised a finger and lowered his head. "What … is this? I came here to wish you well and get you to pay rent but … I don't know. Seeing the two of you here like this … it's doing something to me … what is this feeling …?"

"Saitama, wait" Fubuki urged.

Saitama looked back up with his serious face and stared right at Suiryu. Veins protruded along his face, neck, face and hands.

"Say, guy" he said to the Void Fist user, "why don't we spar again? For real, this time?"

Suiryu read an overwhelming dark aura from him and there was such a palpable tension emanating from the air around him that his skin tingled, his heart raced and he could hardly breathe.

"Miss Fubuki, aren't you going to say something?!" he turned and shouted at Fubuki.

But Fubuki's eyes were glazed over and staring up at Saitama. "Saitama … you really _do_ care …"

"No! She's turned on by her jealous lover!" Suiryu panicked and leapt to his feet, waving his hands frantically. "I promise! There's –"

Fubuki lifted him up with her powers and sent him hurtling behind her towards the bathrooms. There were a lot of murmurs from patrons and things crashing to the floor. She didn't even look back at him. She placed her palms on the table and stood up.

"Saitama! How low do you think I am? You really think I would cheat on you?"

He scratched the side of his face. "Well, what's up with the lunches?"

She sighed. "Yes! I met him at the mall and he came onto me at first but –"

**.**

After they met at the mall and Suiryu gently offered her lunch, Fubuki sighed and willed herself out of the initial crush she had for him.

"I'm sorry but no" she said. "I'm fine. I'll be leaving now." She gathered her things and walked away. But he followed her.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Will you leave me alone?"

"I'm sorry. I just don't know when to quit. Unless you give me a good reason."

"If you must know, I'm going home to my boyfriend! He's one of the strongest heroes and he'd make short work out of you, Mr. Martial Artist!"

"Oh, yeah? A hero boyfriend, huh? And what's this dweeb's name?"

"Saitama!"

He immediately ran in front of her and fell to his knees. "Wait. Did you say _Saitama_? Saitama the hero?"

"Y-yes."

"I take back everything! Can you take me to him? He changed my life! I owe him everything! I have to repay him! Please!"

She was taken aback. She stepped around him. "You're weird. I'm leaving."

"Wait!" he stood and called after her. "There must be something I can do. Can we talk? I know. I'll buy you lunch. I'm rich. You can have anything you want."

She stopped in her tracks and turned slowly. "Anything?"

**.**

"So, you've been hanging out with him using him for free lunches and promising to bring him to me?"

She rubbed her arm. "Yeeaah. I feel kinda guilty about it. But the food is really good and you seemed to really like it too. Neither of us had to spend money or cook."

"I guess it was the good life."

"Yeah. Well, this was gonna be the last time anyway. He's way too touchy feely. And when we meet up, he's always trying to kiss me on the cheeks like a European. I'm always pushing him away. We did come to an agreement though."

"Oh?"

"Saitama!" It was a man's voice behind him.

The two of them looked around and saw that Speed O' Sound Sonic had appeared on top of somebody's table while they were dining.

"I've finally found you! Your end has come!"

"No!" They looked up at the sound of _that_ voice and saw Flashy Flash drop down from the ceiling in the midst of them all. "It is _not_ his time to die! I still have much to teach him!"

Fubuki slinked in close to Saitama and he put an arm around her.

Flashy Flash gestured to them. "Only I can teach the techniques to put an end to this fiend once and for all. Then the two of you will be safe."

"You're such a fool!" taunted Sonic.

While they sent loud verbal jabs at each other, Saitama and Fubuki talked amongst themselves.

"You're right" Saitama whispered to her. "This is annoying."

"See?"

He nodded. "Alright, let's deal with it."

They shared a short nod.

He walked right up to Sonic.

"Oh, you're not running?" Sonic asked. "Good, prepare for my lates—"

Saitama sent Sonic flying through the roof and the ceiling with a casual uppercut.

Fubuki psychically grabbed Flashy's body and slammed him facedown hard on the edge of their table and the floor. The table toppled over and sent the groceries into the air.

Saitama reached out for them but she pulled them down to him telekinetically. He smiled.

Flashy stood up and raised a stern finger. "You nobodies, I'm Ssss Classs …" He fell backwards unconscious in the middle of his sentence to the verbal concern of most of the restaurant.

"Uh, we have to go" Fubuki said.

"Dine and dash?"

The manager came out. "My restaurant! You have to pay!"

Fubuki looked to Saitama. "Suiryu will handle it. He's rich."

Saitama smiled and took her hand. He held the groceries in his other hand. The two of them rushed from the restaurant, weaving through tables and patrons.

Outside, the vans were still in place. A few alert Blizzard Group members noticed the couple running down the street hand in hand. The manager came out and shouted after them but Saitama took her and the groceries into his arms and leapt up into the air out of sight.

Mountain Ape looked at Eyelashes. "All is right."

Eyelashes agreed. "For now. We'll find somebody better for the president later anyway."

**.**

The following day, Flashy Flash landed outside of the Class A housing complex with his sword already drawn.

"That Saitama. Resorting to outside interference. He is clearly afraid of my skill if he must rely on his woman to step in. Further proof that he is in dire need of a proper teacher."

Leaning against a nearby tree with his hands in pockets was the previously casual martial artist, Suiryu. He took out a stack of photos and noted that one of them was of Flashy Flash. He stuffed them back into his pocket and walked over.

"Wow" he said, getting Flashy's attention. "If I didn't already know who you were, I might've mistaken you for a girl."

Flashy glared at him. "That's a commoner's mistake. Leave me. I have business to attend to."

"Oh, I know." Suiryu said, cracking his neck. "You're here to bother Saitama. Not gonna happen, pal."

"Hmm?"

"See, I have a deal with his lady friend, Fubuki. Whoever is a nuisance to their little love nest is an enemy."

"Is that so?"

"You betcha." He spread his arms wide in a cocksure fashion. "Besides, it'll give me a chance to try out my new technique and power on a living dummy."

Flashy narrowed his eyes and sneered. "I'll give you one chance to run. Heaven is a lie and you're flirting with death."

Suiryu scoffed. "That's nothing new to me. Bring it on, sister."

Fubuki watched the two of them fight in the distance from her balcony while sipping from a mug of tea. They seemed evenly matched. She could only shake her head.

"Idiots" she called them. She turned and went to the living room where Saitama was watching a superhero program. She set the mug down on their table and snuggled up close to him.

"Isn't this nice?" she asked him.

He smiled. "Yeah. I guess it is."

They went on watching for a while in silence.

"Oh yeah" she said with a casual tone, "I forgot to tell you. My sister is coming over this weekend. Sorry."

Saitama froze. She could feel his body stiffen against her. It almost hurt to be against him.

"Saitama?"

"That shi—"


End file.
